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We find ourselves stuck in a state of despair and pain. Very often, they are surprised how they suddenly think of how to solve the problem. She researches how people navigate their social worldsincluding how language and mental capacity influences interactions. She related that after a prolonged illness with cancer, her year-old son died.
At times I smiled with her and at times my eyes, like her eyes, were filled with tears.
A solution pops into our mind. Focusing the attention on the other person in those moments can help us get past gow awkward spots, she says. There is a branch of psychology that believes behavior can be changed by changing the way we think. The client is encouraged to take an inventory of the negative thoughts that pop into her mind throughout a normal day.
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Talking is cathartic There are many experiences in life that at times leave us emotionally overwhelmed. For the next two months, this mother arrived for her appointment each week. Talking le to new solutions Talking helps in other ways, too. You get better at asking better questions, and answering with more interesting responses.
Then the therapist and client together work out a series of positive statements to counteract the negative statements. She was so appreciative.
Nothing has changed that caused the suffering in our lives, but talking has drained off some of the pain and this brings relief. In my practice, I ask people a lot of questions to keep them talking about what troubles them so they might discover their own solution.
The benefits of talking are not apparent to many people. Many times when we talk with a friend, a family member or a therapist, we are stuck. When our last session ended, she nrw up, grabbed my hand and thanked me for helping her.
There is a word that captures how talking helps—catharsis. When these experiences descend upon us, we feel emotionally frozen.
Talking helped her. Listening gives people an opportunity to tell their story, and, in the telling, they find relief and a quieting of their emotions.
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Research actually suggests that people who ask more questions are better liked by their conversation partners than people who ask fewer questions. But as we talk, we hear ourselves express feelings and information that have not been expressed before.
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I listened. At these times, talking can help. Be curious Ask questions. She left my office and I have never seen her again, but her story stays with me.
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Give someine a compliment It shifts the focus to the other person and should make them feel good, Sandstrom explains. Our fear assumptions fail to take into the social norms of politeness, Schroeder says.
A question can either kick off a conversation or keep it going, Sandstrom says. I did nothing but listen. I could see the despair and grief she was feeling. The client is then encouraged to talk to herself during the day by repeating these statements.
Old thoughts that are counterproductive are erased and new thoughts that are positive and constructive are entered into the mind. It is this experience of hearing ourselves that allows us at times to suddenly think of what to do.
However, the benefits of talking are not apparent to many people. Years ago, a woman in her late 40s arrived in my office.
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My eyes were focused on her and her feelings became my feelings. Since I am a psychologist, it is obvious to me how talking helps people.
Research shows the opposite, however, that people nearly always are willing to engage in a conversation when prompted by someone else. I have many stories of how people benefit from talking, but the story that follows is one I nea never forget. At these times, we walk around feeling emotionally charged up and filled with tension.